literature

Sudden Realization.

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Saigen-naku's avatar
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Literature Text

Sudden Realization

I finally faced the fact that you don't love me
I don't know why it took me so long to see
Your actions, your words
Yes they were my cure

But I soon saw the hidden meaning behind them

I know you were only trying to help
To save me from myself
But really I am now much to vain/selfish
To let you continue this

I am not saying stop talking to me

Because that is far away from what I want
I fell in love with you
But please understand, I don't want to be apart of a schedule
Of your caring

Keep in mind I love you so much
In fact I always will
But see me for me
Not what you know I can (and should) be

3-6/12
My mind right now is very hollow right now. But this is my feelings right now all in one poem actually...torn, jagged, fresh, and hopeful. Please if you guys can relate to this in any sort of way comment on this poem. It would mean so much to me if you did. ^^

Please check out more of my work if you guys get the chance.

-------->:iconwaitingendlessly:<---------- (click meh) ^3^

XD
© 2012 - 2024 Saigen-naku
Comments86
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menotmyselfori's avatar
Too lazy to do a proper critique, but here are my main points (Note, I'm not particularly experienced at this)
-The four line paragraphs, with the A A B B format seems to work well, with the one longer non-rhyming line between them
-It's full of well described emotion
-It's well worded and descriptive
-It could use some more visual imagery, although this is always difficult to do for emotionally themed poems
-Some of the lines seem a little off-beat
-It would have been nice to continue the single line between each stanza, for the last two paragraphs
-Italics, bold, some kind of emphasis would be nice on the single lines to make them stand out, although they already do fairly well
-I like have you deviated from the A A B B for the last part.

Anyways, it's a really good poem! Nice job!